The Nerves, The Excitement

I blog everything. Mostly as a form of therapy for myself. I haven't ever admitted it before but that is all it is. I get pretty anxious about everything, it stems from an unyielding self-belief that I can do or be anything and a fear that time might defeat me. Time, is my biggest worry. I want to be everything, do everything and be the best at everything. The problem is time isn't always on one's side.

Let me explain, I messed up. My teenage years were difficult, I struggled with home life, social, personal, you name it I struggled with it. It meant I lost time and made a few snap decisions that, in hindsight I wouldn't have done. I imagine a lot of late teenagers do exactly the same thing. I definitely wasn't thinking of the big picture. I would of done a different degree and I would of worked harder at the things I wanted rather than how I thought everyone wanted me to be. That last sentence is vital in my story. "How I think everyone wants me to be". It is a phrase that shows what my biggest weakness was for a long time. I tried too hard, especially at being the person, I thought everyone wanted me to be. Trying too hard sounds like a cliche people say in a job interview when they are asked the same question. However, for me it was the best description of someone trying to make the best impression to every person they met in a thousand different ways. The problem is, you start to lose sight of yourself, of who you are and what you actually want to do with your life. So I did a load of A-levels I wasn't particularly bothered by, moved to a school I didn't like and did a degree I liked but wasn't passionate about. It wasn't ideal but I thought everyone wanted me to do it. The truth is they didn't care a jot and if I had listened to my heart and been a little bit more confident I might of been writing this blog 8 years earlier.

Today, I am older, wiser and I have learnt from my decisions. I am probably a better person because of the weird way things have gone, the bits of misfortune both self-inflicted and otherwise. It also has enabled me to start looking at what I want to do in the future and what I can cast aside as goals that are just less important. About a year ago I had decided on three challenges I wanted to achieve, in no particular order. I wanted to find a sport to replace athletics, I wanted to own a business and I wanted to do one more bit of "further" education. Realistically, I thought the first two would happen before the last one. I work in a business that is owned by my Grandma and finding a sport is just a case of trying a few things. A masters or a new degree seemed too costly and too time consuming. However, I have discovered that with the right support you can make time and with a few sacrifices (and a bit of family help) you can also free up some cash.

So, why the law? Well I knew there were two things I always wanted to do, sport or psychology. My mum is a law lecturer and I didn't want to follow in her footsteps. Children who follow parents, I have always thought, tend to be compared and tend to underachieve. So, naturally it seemed that either of these would be the natural fit. In fact, until I finished my original degree I barely paid attention to law at all, unless it was in the context of current affairs and politics. Ironically, it was a television program called Suits that made me take notice. Most people watch Suits for the drama, the character interaction and the events. I sat there listening to the law and the boring day to day lives of these pretend lawyers. I realised that I wanted to know more. That I wanted to see behind the curtain and understand the principles. I am not going to lie, I saw Harvey Specter (played by actor Gabriel Macht) and instantly wanted to be him. Not just because of the cavalier attitude and charm (I am not sure they would get me far as a lawyer in real life) but the ability to formulate well reasoned arguments in defence of the law from a certain perspective. I genuinely believe I have that ability both in writing and vocally.

So I started trying to understand the law a bit more, through both the trials and tribulations of my company and my day to day reading. My political and economic background has always given me an appreciation for the judicial branch of the political system but it has never been the focus. Understanding how the judicial system interprets and, somewhat, defines the law interests me in a way that my original degree never did. I think it is the idea of rules. A law is just a rule whether this is who owns a piece of land or how you should treat another person. Likewise, it also defines how you should be treated and if you have been treated unfairly. It makes the law both static and dynamic and the same time and something I am really looking forward to delving into.

When it comes to a personal, rather than a intellectual interest, I like the idea of a defence and a prosecution. The fact there is almost a sporting context to the interaction. I also like the idea of having all manner of clients and cases to work on. I am ready for the fact that, in practice, the offensive-defensive sporting context might be eroded and that the cases might be a little more similar in their context. I know a lot of solicitors do an awful lot of conveyancing, for example. Yet, whatever the realities, as I sit and listen to my podcasts and read my first text book, I can't help but be excited.

P.S. if anyone can recommend any interesting law books textbook, casebook or even novel. That would be great. My first module will be on Tort and Contract Law but more on that in the next post.